5 Things You Didn't Know About Religion

1. Greek Gods Hated Babies. Now, some of you may have read my blog last week. So you may actually know this one. The Greeks version of creation is filled with baby hate. The god Erebus trapped all of his children in hell (until one escaped and castrated him). Cronos ate all his babies (except one, and he regretted that).

Picture from Faceplant Review

Zeus had many children (with MANY women) that he ignored, while his wife Hera would torment them and “test” them continuously. I guess Zeus didn't know how diabolical these baby gods can be.

“Origin of Species” By Godzillaz-strip

2.Getting High For Jesus. Have you been busted for trafficking 20 tons (40,000 lbs) of marijuana? Do you want to get off free and clear, and keep your pot? Well, just claim that you are practicing an old Jamaican religion, The Ethiopian Zion Coptic Church. A sect of Christianity founded by pot farmers, in Jamaica.

Picture from I Bud You

In 1979, the state of Florida recognized them as an official religion, and came to the decision that the “use of cannabis is an essential portion of the religious practice." Therefore it falls under the protection of the first amendment. With expensive lawyers and much persistence they beat the system, and people said pot heads are lazy.

3. Scientology. Here is a newer religion that is gaining much popularity, especially with celebrities. This religion was founded by L. Ron Hubbard (1911-1986). Hubbard was a science fiction writer, but some people, for some reason, believe it as fact.

Picture courtesy of Citizen Warrior:

 He wrote that people are actually immortal beings, who forgot our “true nature,” practitioners are often required to relive past traumatic events in order to “free themselves” form their past, this is called an audit. Auditing in scientology involves measuring the body’s resistance to electricity with a machine called an E-meter. An electrical current is passed through your body and the auditor asks questions and reads the E-meter to see if you have been “cleared.”

Picture from FL Dept, of Corrections.

“I’m ready for my audit now guys…. Guys? Ummm… guys?"

Scientologists believe we are the confused spirits of aliens frozen, transported to this planet, killed in a volcano, and then brainwashed (in that order) by the powerful Lord Zenu. The confused alien spirits then inhabited the bodies of pre-historic man.

Check out this short, two minute video from The BBC:

4. Burnt Souls. OK, so far everything has been fairly tame. No one has been offended yet, right? Well, I can fix that for you. According to the Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi verse 5:21;

“And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.”

Video courtesy of JeramiahFilms:

This one is a bit long, if you don't want to watch the whole thing, skip to 2:00 minutes, you'll only have to watch about 30 seconds.

Wow…. They actually believe that black skin is a curse, bestowed by God, as a punishment for not choosing a side in the battle between God and the Devil.

Picture from South Park.

5. Magic Underpants. It comes as no surprise that the same people, who believe that last statement, also believe some other crazy things. Mormons have what they call their “Temple Garments” but to the rest of the world these are known as Magic Underpants.

Picture courtesy of Motifake.com

Mormons believe that wearing these underpants provides them with “Spiritual Protection” and helps them resist the temptation of sin. Many Mormons insist that the underpants also provide physical protection, though they argue on the amount of physical protection it has. Some church leaders claim that their underpants have protected them in car wreaks, fires, and other natural disasters.

Photo from Autoalerts.com

I think I’ll nickname my underpants “Magic Brown"

So, you need not be offended by what Mormons think,  they believe some weird stuff. I mean, the entire religion was founded when a man supposedly found some gold tablets in the woods, he was the only one allowed by god to see or read these tablets. Man, some people are gullible.

Picture By David Horsey