1.West Virginia Snake Handlers- In 1910, high
in the mountains of West Virginia, George Went Hensley was
reading his bible and came across a couple of verses he hadn’t paid attention
to before.
Luke
10:19 - Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents
and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any
means hurt you.
Matthew 16:17-18 And these
signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils;
they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink
any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and
they shall recover.
Hensley interpreted them to mean that any
true follower of Christ should be able to master snakes, and even if he did get
bit “nothing by any means shall ever hurt him”, right?
 | |
| Picture from FreeThinkering |
“It’s ok, Pastor George said it won’t hurt”
Well, being
in West Virginia, there were plenty of snakes to be found. So, he found one and
was not immediately bitten. He took this as a sign that his interpretation was
correct. A few years later he started his own church, requiring that all who
attend handle snakes as proof of their salvation.
 |
| Picture courtesy of Legal Juice |
Well, as
luck would have it, snake handling is not quite the safest religious practice.
In 1955 George Hensley was preaching in Florida, when he was bitten by a snake
he was holding. He and his wife were “faith healers” and believed god would
take care of him. He died early the next morning, the local Sheriff ruled it a
suicide. Surprisingly enough, this was not enough to dissuade his followers.
No, since his death churches have sprung up in Alabama, South Carolina,
Kentucky, Tennessee, and Canada. And several more deaths.
2. Faith Healing – I cannot think of any crazy belief more
dangerous than Faith Healing. These are people who honestly believe that any
sickness can be cured only by prayer. This belief is present in more than just
the West Virginia Snake Lovers. Jehovah’s Witnesses’ believe that you can never
receive a blood transfusion, tons of different religions have a degree of faith
healing.
But here is
where it starts to be a problem, in 2012 a couple in Oregon allowed their sixteen
year old son to die of a burst appendix when they tried to simply “pray away” his appendicitis.
 |
| Picture of Austin, 16 years old. From NY Daily News |
Due to a
religious exemption in the state law regarding child abuse these two
neglectful, irresponsible, moronic excuses for parents were let off with only
probation.
 |
| Picture of shitty parents from NY Daily News |
And this is only one of dozens, or even hundreds of other cases.
3. Return to the Mothership – On March 25th 1997, the world was
treated to the spectacle of the Hale-Bopp comet.
 |
| Picture courtesy of Wiki Commons |
Thirty-nine people gathered together
to hitch a ride on the space ship that trailed the comet.
 |
| Picture courtesy of Search-Best-Cartoon |
What? You
didn’t know Santa flies his space ship behind the comet? Where have you been?
Heaven’s Gate believed the Earth was about to be recycled.
And that they needed to trade in their vehicles (that is what their called
their bodies) for newer models.
The next
Morning police found the bodies of thirty-nine people who had committed mass
suicide. The leaders thought that only through suicide could they be freed from
earth and be taken on the ship to the next level of existence above human.
It is worth
mentioning that in October of 1996, the group purchased “Alien Abduction”
insurance for a group of fifty people at the price of $10,000
4. Where Do They Get Off? – Back in 500 C.E. there were no smart phones,
or internet, not even any porno magazines. So this brings up a question, what
kind of pornography was available?
In most
cultures it was in art sculptures and paintings. But to the Hindu people of Khajurahu it was at church. The oddest thing is that these sculptures do
not depict the gods. No, these sculptures represent sexual activities between
people.
Pictures from Wiki Commons
.jpg)
5. God’s of Poo – No I am not
talking about the gods of Pooh.
 |
| Gif Courtesy of RighteousRyan |
No, I mean the god’s of poo, excrement,
feces, crap.
 |
It turns out that the Romans indeed had a god
for everything. In fact they had not one, but two gods for human excrement. Stercutius, the Roman god of Ordure (defined
as muck, dung, waste, something regarded as vile). There was also Cloacina was
one of the oldest roman gods and she was considered to be the goddess of all
sewers and toilets in the Eternal City (what a crappy job, for a God).
Additional Resources:
No comments:
Post a Comment